A woman has opened up about her unusual dreams as she revealed she wants nothing more than being paralyzed from the waist down.
Chloe Jennings-White is a Cambridge University graduate and a research scientist who knew what she wanted to do with her body when she was still a child.
According to the Utah woman, who is now in her 60s, she wants to live her life as a wheelchair-bound disabled person because she can’t accept her legs and doesn’t see them as a part of her body.
As it turns out, Chloe is suffering from Body Integrity Identity Disorder, a rare phenomenon that sees sufferers crave to be paralyzed or have their healthy limbs amputated because they don’t feel they should be a part of their bodies.
Ever since she was a young girl, Chloe wanted to get rid of her legs and would often injure herself on purpose to be able to use a wheelchair.
A decade ago, she even went as far as finding a doctor who was willing to cut her nerves to make her disabled and unable to walk. Her plans, however, fell through after she was unable to raise more than $25k for the shocking surgery.
“Something in my brain tells me my legs are not supposed to work. Having any sensation in them just feels wrong,” Chloe admitted.
As she added, she first realized she wasn’t content in her own body at the age of four when she saw her aunt wearing leg braces.
“I wanted them too. I wondered why I wasn’t born needing them and felt something was wrong with me because I didn’t have them,” she said.
When she was 9, Chloe went on to fall off a four-foot-high stage on purpose in an attempt to stop her legs from working.
Since then, Chloe continued bandaging up and pretending to be disabled to make herself feel better. She also participated in climbing and risky sports in hopes she would one day lose her legs.
Nowadays, the woman continues skiing dangerously and doing activities that might make her a paraplegic to relieve anxiety.
“I ski extremely fast, and aim for the most dangerous runs,” she added. “Doing any activity that brings a chance of me becoming paraplegic gives me a sense of relief from the anxiety caused by the BIID.
“My friends and family can get a little worried about me skiing, as they know I ski very aggressively and they know that in the back of my mind I actually want to get paralyzed.”
Years ago, after suffering minor injuries during a skiing accident, Chloe finally had a reason to get leg braces. She also discovered there were other people like her and decided to participate in a BIID study led by New York psychiatrist Michael First.
As Chloe quickly found out, First’s recommendation to use a wheelchair was a huge success. While she was using the device in secret at first, she eventually gained the courage to start using it in front of her family and friends as well.
“The chair gives me psychological relief, instead of physical. I know it can be difficult for people without BIID to understand, but it’s what we feel,” she expressed.
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