Nicole Kidman has opened up about her struggles following the divorce from Tom Cruise in a candid interview with author Dave Karger for his new book 50 Oscar Nights.
The 56-year-old Australian actress, who won her first Oscar for her role as Virginia Woolf in the 2002 drama film The Hours, split from the Top Gun star in 2001 after 11 years of marriage.
At the time, insiders suggested that Kidman’s refusal to join her husband in the controversial Church of Scientology contributed to the split.
Now, the actress talked to Karger to reveal that the break-up left her “struggling” in her personal life even though she continued to do well in her career.
“I was struggling with things in my personal life, yet my professional life was going so well. That’s what happens, right?” she admitted.
“I went home and ended up ordering takeout and eating it on the floor of the Beverly Hills Hotel. I sat on the floor of the hotel eating French fries and a burger with my family and went to bed. That’s when it hit me. I went, I need to find my love; I need a love in my life. Because this is supposed to be when you go, ‘This is ours.’
“I went to bed alone; I was in bed before midnight. If I ever won again, I’m telling you, I’d be out for 24 hours.”
Recalling the 2002 Oscars, Kidman admitted the emotions got the better of her as she broke down into tears during her acceptance speech.
The actress also said she didn’t feel like partying at the Vanity Fair bash afterward because she’s “not a big party girl.”
“I’m not a big party girl, so I was going to skip the Vanity Fair party, and everyone was like, ‘You’ve got to go.
You’ve got to walk through the party carrying your Academy Award.’ I said, ‘That just feels like gloating, and it doesn’t feel humble. ’ Like, what? You can’t walk through carrying the award! That feels really inappropriate.
They’re like, ‘That’s what you do,’” she added.
After lots of encouragement, Nicole decided to go through with the party and show off her Oscar.
“I literally walked in, carried it around, was completely overwhelmed, emotional, shaking, and I didn’t enjoy it. I was almost apologetic, which is so stupid. I wish I could have enjoyed it more,” she explained.
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