SallyAnn was 22 and about to be married when she took on her first foster child.
But rather than the young child or baby she expected, she found herself a foster mom to a 15-year-old girl. Because the girl looked more like her friend than her foster daughter, it was challenging for her and Ryan, her husband-to-be and also 22.
But their small age gap “worked wonders” that made the foster parents become close with the vulnerable teen to the point that they asked her to be their bridesmaid at the wedding.
“Sometimes, I’d take a step back and think this is really bizarre – but it was really nice,” says SallyAnn, now 25. “Having her as our bridesmaid was one of our biggest highs as foster carers.”
The couple went on to foster six other children in the intervening three years while having a son of their own.
TACT, Britain’s biggest fostering and adoption charity, reports that there are three times as many twenty-somethings interested in becoming foster parents now than a year ago. Interested parties should be over 21 and have a spare bedroom, among other requirements.
It’s a huge responsibility to take on but young foster carers say that they can enjoy most of what other people their age enjoy while still making a huge impact on the kids they foster.
“Being younger is not a barrier to becoming successful foster carers,” says TACT CEO Andy Elvin.
“TACT has long recognized the skills and abilities that younger adults can bring to fostering.
“Having younger foster carers can work well with teenagers because the smaller age gap means that they can relate well to each other better and create a more trusting and open channel of communication.”
Both SallyAnn and Ryan live in the West Midlands. Over the last three years, they have fostered seven kids and have a son, Tommy.
SallyAnn says: “Growing up, I’d always wanted to be a mum. I was 11 when I first became aware of fostering – at the time, my sister was in a mother-and-baby foster placement.
“I understood that fostering was similar to adoption – that people offered stable homes and support to young people – but it’s not something I thought deeply about back then.
“I left home myself aged 16 and, after studying healthcare in college, started working at a private nursery. After I was made redundant, I became a self-employed nanny.
“Over the next two years, I worked for several foster families – which really opened my eyes to the highs and lows of fostering, and how much vulnerable children can benefit.
“At the time, I was dating Ryan, and I told him it was something I wanted to do.
“I’d met Ryan through a friend in 2012 and we’d really hit it off.
“We often had friends over and went on day trips and weekends away together. We’d always spoken about having kids – when the time was right – but we hadn’t talked about fostering before.
“I didn’t think he’d be interested at all, but I felt so ready and didn’t see the point of waiting until we were 30 or 40. I also wanted us to foster before having our own children.”
“I thought it would be easier to bring our birth children into an existing foster family – they’d be used to sharing their Mum and Dad and hopefully be more resilient to change.
“I left it with Ryan for a few weeks. Eventually, he came back with, ‘Why not?’
“We were just 22 when we became foster carers through TACT.
“We had originally planned to foster children aged seven and under because of our young age and the fact that, at the time, I was studying for an early years degree.
“However, our first placement, in 2016, was a 15-year-old girl!
“There were just over six years between us, so we were a little nervous… would she respect us as carers, would we get the balance between understanding her and parenting right?
“But our age gap actually worked wonders. She settled in really well.
“The teen’s sisters, who were also in care, wouldn’t go out with their own – much older – foster families because they felt embarrassed. Yet with us, there was no stigma.
“When I picked her up from school, she’d tell people I was her cousin.
“We did everything with her – from shopping and cinema trips to days out with family and friends. She even came on holiday with us to Tenerife and Cornwall.
“She wouldn’t call us Mum and Dad, just Sally-Ann and Ryan, which felt right. And while she did have a specific ‘bedtime’, we discussed it with her first.
“Sometimes, I’d take a step back and think this is really bizarre – but it was really nice. Of course, there were a few minor challenges, but nothing that made us think ‘right, we can’t do this anymore’.
“And when Ryan and I got married at a local church in July 2017, we had the pleasure of having her as our bridesmaid – one of our biggest highs as foster carers.
“Months later, she proudly accompanied us to scans after we found out we were expecting our own son Tommy, born on September 8, 2018.
“Our foster daughter stayed with us until she was 17 when she decided to live independently. We were sad to see her go, but you do what’s best for them – and we’re still in contact today.
“Since then, we’ve cared for six other children – mostly, short-term ‘respite’ placements. The kids have ranged in age from six to 16, even though we’re still just 25 ourselves.
“I gave up most of my nanny work to foster, but Ryan and I only get paid when we’ve got a placement. When we’re waiting for a new referral, there’s no income coming in.
“However, Ryan does work, and his wage covers the bills.
“It’s really hard when a child leaves, but unfortunately that’s the way fostering is.”
“At the moment, we have a six-year-old boy who has been with us since last July. At first, he was anxious and had quite a few breakdowns, but now he fits in great.
“He does tag rugby and swimming and wants to start karate. We hope to have him long-term, maybe until he’s 18. I’ve always said I’d like to adopt.
“He and Tommy absolutely adore each other. Their faces light up when the other enters the room.
“At Christmas, both the boys had Christmas Eve boxes left by ‘Elfie’ – Elf on the Shelf – packed with new pajamas, festive stories, and treats.
“We visited our close family, enjoyed a three-course meal at our local carvery, went to the Christmas panto, and spent the evening playing games.
“Our foster son was so worn out by the excitement we had to actually wake him on Christmas Day! We’re now looking ahead to more family time and holidays in 2020.
“I also want to continue fostering – I absolutely love it.
“I’m not majorly bothered about ‘missing out’ on things like partying. You can still have a social life and go away for the weekend with friends – it just takes more planning.
“Don’t get me wrong, it’s really challenging at times. But when you see the difference you’re making to a child and their life, that makes it worth it.”
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